THIS…Like many American women, I’ve spent way too much time comparing my face to those of others, and finding myself lacking in fundamental beauty. The self-imposed court trial of my adolescence resulted in a series of head-to-toe guilty verdicts for which I’m still serving my sentence. What’s more frightening than a mirror in the morning? Too many of us stand convicted in our own minds, approaching our faces with tweezers, mascara, and a plan: revise, revise, revise. In consideration of this, I borrowed Marianne Moore’s opening line from “Poetry” to launch my own exploration. Moore begins by conceding to the reader: “I, too, dislike it,” a sentiment that puts her on the reader’s “side” by critiquing poetry that flaunts obscurity for fashion’s sake. The thirty-eight line version of Moore’s poem establishes the ideal shape of her poetics, one that acknowledges the power of language to connect imagination with lived experience. Her “imaginary gardens with real toads in them” embody this ideal. These toads can attain “reality” due to the sheer force of the artist’s imagination. For Moore, they are “genuine” because they can live, tangibly, in the garden of a poem without being embellished or distorted by the poet’s need to make clever symbols or perform gratuitous rhetorical tricks. In other words, Moore’s ideal poet empowers her creations to live toad-lives within her poems; she does not crouch in the garden herself, wearing a toad-mask. In the mirror, my face appears imperfect. More than that: it appears as an imperfect reflection of the self I mean when I say I. But intellectually, I know that everything I believe about physical beauty is a cultural construction. Even when I’m judging my mirror-image most harshly, I can feel the rubber bands from my judge-mask pressing against the back of my head. I know, too, that the pronoun I doesn’t stand in for “the body.” So when I say “I” in a poem, I’m just wearing an I-mask. As a poet, there comes a time when you want to break all of these constructions “down to a hawse-hole” and view the shapes inside, however ugly or strange they may be. The questions that occupy the central portion of my poem ("Could I gag it out…. "/ “Could I shutter it…”) try to address this impulse to reveal the truth of selfhood, not by revising its definition, but by cutting off the harmful rhetorical vasculature that feeds our collective dysmorphism. For me, this work takes place “in my cabin,” the deep interior of my own imagination. Only there, where language collides with experience before emerging as a poem, can the I-mask take a proper shredding.

-Kiki Petroski

This not this;

The authentic human being is one of us who instinctively knows what he should not do, and, in addition, he will balk at doing it. He will refuse to do it, even if this brings down dread consequences to him and to those whom he loves. This, to me, is the ultimately heroic trait of ordinary people; they say no to the tyrant and they calmly take the consequences of this resistance. Their deeds may be small, and almost always unnoticed, unmarked by history. Their names are not remembered, nor did these authentic humans expect their names to be remembered. I see their authenticity in an odd way: not in their willingness to perform great heroic deeds but in their quiet refusals. In essence, they cannot be compelled to be what they are not.

The rest of The Shifting Realities of Philip K. Dick: Selected Literary and Philosophical Writings is full of similarly soul-stirring, neuron-stimulating meditations on the burdens and blessings of being human — highly recommended.

As a woman who has undergone may major surgical procedures c section, total hysterectomy, gastric pacemakerdue to a terrible disease that did not allow me to eat solids that came with a battery pack under my skin visible to myself and others. Many of the surgeries I did not mention had changed my body appearance also. So many of us including myself are so self confidence on how we look because of public media pushing us to look their ideal perfect body image. I feel so proud to read and view these brave women and how the stood up and said hey I am the average American not these super models. No I dont need airbrushed or be perfect to be beautiful!

Can’t be said any better than this poem.

David, I admire your passion and fire even if your position sounds a bit naive about the power of media. If you are implying that there are zero influences that may shape our experiences of the world, then I completely disagree. To be clear, I fully believe that women have the power to make the very choices that will shift exactly that which I am noting in the piece, I think you missed that. But I am ok with our difference of opinion. Thank you for having your voice heard.

Maryellen, I am always amazed by people’s freeness to share such thoughtless statements.

Rob Tonus, I share your question. And that is a question at the root of this project: how do we cultivate self-esteem in people so that such influences no longer exert such control and command such a high-percentage of our attention. We’d love to hear your thoughts in an essay as a father, Rob, so email us if that is something you’d be interested in.

Ultra melodramatic crap. People need to be responsible for what they do. It’s easier to blame Mommy and Daddy and the evil capitalist empire making loathsome empty puppets of all. You denigrate women’s strength and intellect by your suggestion that they are a emotionally crippled, brainwashed zombies incapable of making a choice all on their own.

Beautiful poem, Alok Appadurai; thank you for writing and sharing this! It’s good to see that there are others in the world that can see a woman’s beauty whether or not she wears makeup. I grew up in a home where makeup was not allowed. I have an incredible dad who made sure his daughters knew that they did not need makeup to be beautiful, that they are beautiful just as they are. However, as an adult, there was an instance when a female colleague of mine approached me, rubbed my cheek, and told me that I “could be so pretty if I just wore a little makeup.” I was so angry that I responded, “unlike you, I was blessed with natural beauty, so unlike you, I don’t need makeup”.

As the father of daughters, I have always been confused by the common obsession with looks - I don’t understand why they can’t just love themselves inside for who they are. It’s comforting and saddening to know that they are not alone…

love it

Absolutely true.

I love this… it’s reality! when I saw this pic I had visions of myself doing exactly the same thing… my self loathing moments!.. and yet my stomach is the after effect of housing my beautiful children..

Julie Janson, you raise a great point: years ago in my early 20’s, female friends of mine said there was a difference between the artistic application of things like lipstick and its usage because of societal pressures and norms. So rock your signature with grand aplumb!

It´s simply beautifull! Love it!

Your poem is quite beautiful yet leaves me confused. Do I subconsciously feel “less than” because I turn to a tub of red lipstick every morning? Instead I believed my signature red lips were just a fun expression of who I am. My smile and walls are covered with color, tapestries or art. Have I fooled myself? Perhaps.

This is great. I am a sculptor who is trying to use the theme of female body image in my work, and so especially concerned with these ideas. When little girls of 6 and 7 are going on diets and worried about being “fat”, the world is truly mad and it is time to fight back. No woman, no human, should be limited by the pressure to look a certain way, but our diversity should be celebrated and enjoyed, without restraint and without self-loathing.

Well said. We women must come together and find our strength again. We are so much better than this. So much more powerful. We are rising above and this industry will deflate to bankruptcy I do indeed believe. I love my sisters. We are all beautiful. And the men are too. Strong and powerful. And beautiful

I am at a loss for words on how much your poem resonates with me and my journey of letting go and fighting back. Powerful!

Beautiful poem, and amazing work - thank you for the courage it took to take this project on and for all those who participated - we are at the dawn of a new world (NOT new world order - that’s something else completely!!) - thanks to people like you!

Shared on my FB page.

Thanks for posting this, Alok.

I almost bought myself Spanx! Now I am reconsidering! Thanks!

We have to love ourselves UNCONDITIONALLY without getting caught up in the veil and delusions that society is pushing. It’s one of the hardest things to do if not reminded consistently by those around us from a young age so we can believe it ourselves. My wish for my daughter ( and sons) is that unconditional Self-Love be a part of who they are no matter what they see. It is a big job but anything is possible, especially with the right Self-talk (being taught by family, friends, peers, instructors, etc.) beginning in early years. It’s not easy to teach a child that we are really a soul living in a physical body, the beauty is really within.

Pertinent and moving piece. As a woman, we so often forget to see our true worth of our soul in its simplicity, just as a trillion cells that cling together around that breath of life. I do hope more woman can read this and realise; if we had to throw all the money into a pot that we spend on “beautification” of ourselves, while we are just perfect the way we are, we would be able to educate and feed all the children in the world. If a village raises a child, and women are the life givers to those children, we as women seem to be too distracted making ourselves not ourselves by prettying ourselves and not focusing on what is really important… walking our own and individual journey in our life. Thank you for your words and thoughts, truly insightful.

Jeffrey, I definitely agree about the pressure put on men to have 6-pack abs, big biceps, and beyond. Thank you for voicing this reality for many of us.

The thing is . . . . that this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to self worth. But . . . look at the powers that be, they also working on undermining how a woman sees her man and lately men have to have ripped stomachs, bulging biceps etc. So, how realistic is this ? ? ? ? We all have our issues, we have to earn a living, have a social life, and all the while 2-4% of the worlds population who do have all the money want to take what little the rest of us have. This IS what is wrong with the world, vanity and greed

A woman doesn’t need to look a certain way because it’s what society expects, a woman needs to look however she wants to look. My sister-in-law is a teacher, and is always dressed to the nines with nice clothes/make-up/jewelry/whatever, because that is her chosen style, and eats whatever she wants. I don’t do that. I wear whatever is comfortable, work out, watch what I eat, and go around bare-faced. We are two different women with our own views of what make us beautiful, knowing full well that the other’s lifestyle would not satisfy.

As the quote says “Don’t read beauty magazines. They’ll only make you feel ugly.”

Everybody, man and woman, everyone DOES NOT have a beautiful body.

Get over that, accept it, be OK with it, like yourself anyway, men and women, and you’ve come a long way… Baby.