The F Word

No, not the 4 letter one. I’m talking about the one that’s twice as long and seemingly more taboo. Feminist.

A friend recently shared a post featuring a quote from Caitlin Moran, author of How To Be A Woman, referencing some dire statistics in relation to being a feminist. Mainly, that only 29% of American women consider themselves a feminist. Now, I’m not sure where that statistic come from, but if it’s true, we are in trouble.

We used to joke about the F word when I was a first year at an all women’s college. Many of us green around the edges 18 year-olds thought it was a thing of the past, or a word reserved to describe the ideology of angry man hating lesbians (just for the record, I’ve met lots of lesbians and none were angry or man hating). During our 4 years there, we learned that the F word is relevant and for everyone.

Here’s the thing. If you are a woman with a pulse, you are probably a feminist. If you believe in equality for all, you are a feminist. If you think you should have the right to be educated, work, own property, vote and otherwise operate as a free human being in society, you are a feminist. If you don’t want to be discriminated against, harassed or otherwise taken advantage of because you are a woman, you are a feminist. If you think traditional gender roles can be limiting, you are a feminist. If you believe all women should have these basic rights, you are a feminist.

And, you don’t have to be a woman to be a feminist. Many men consider themselves feminists because they believe in these things too. Also, feminism is not about being manly. It’s not about turning women into men, it’s about celebrating the differences between the sexes and valuing what each can contribute. It’s about respecting and loving yourself, as an empowered woman living the life that you choose.

It might seem that since we have all these basic rights in the United States, there isn’t a need for feminism. But here’s the thing. Politicians are always talking about reproductive rights and more recently, gay marriage rights. There is still a glass ceiling in some fields, women are still objectified in the media, and in real life. There is still harassment and abuse, sexual or otherwise, going on all the time. Miss Representation, a documentary and organization, takes a close look at discrimination against women, even women at the highest levels. Indeed, feminism is still relevant today.

When I was little, I thought I would change the world. These days, I’m mostly changing diapers. I’m a stay at home mom, which was the last thing I ever thought I’d be when I was growing up. But, here I am. I’m raising two girls and even though I’m living out the traditional family structure, you better believe, I consider myself a feminist. And I’m doing my best to raise strong, independent, smart, empowered young women.

So, to all you women out there. Mothers, grandmothers or daughters, sisters or friends, gay, straight, or bisexual, partnered or single – you owe it to yourself to learn more about feminism, see how it fits in with your lifestyle and proudly claim it as your own. And then, spread the word, literally. If 29% is an accurate statistic, the F word is in serious need of a revival. Let’s do it together.

Mother Body Love

We live in a culture where the female form is glorified. Society constantly defines and then redefines its aesthetic value. Curves are appealing and then they’re not. Boyish figures are sexy, and then they’re not. Big, fake breasts are in, and then they’re not. It’s no big news that women, usually from a young age, have body image issues. This is just a fact of life in America, where even if a woman possesses the look of the moment, she will find fault somewhere, with something. Her nose, her ankles, her elbow? I’ve met very few women in my life who are completely happy with how they look.

Pregnancy and motherhood change women’s bodies. There is no way around it. Sometimes, women feel they’ve changed for the better. Other times, not so much. Pregnancy will leave its mark on your body – stretch marks or a little paunch where there used to be nothing. Nursing? Well, let’s just say your breasts will undergo huge transformations and never quite be the same again. And motherhood – the lack of sleep and time to oneself will leave you probably a bit more wrinkled and squishy around the edges. Many women lament the loss of their pre-motherhood body. Change can be challenging.

Personally, I’ve struggled with body image throughout different periods in my life, just like everyone else. However, I’m proud to say that I like my mother body. It reminds me of what it (and I am) capable of. A woman’s body is amazing. The stretch marks and little tummy remind me that I extended to provide a home for a human being. My body grew and housed a baby for 9 months and then birthed it into the world (twice). A rather amazing feat, if you ask me.

The changed breasts? Same thing. I know we are a bit obsessed with these lumps of flesh in our society. But really, I’ve never found them more beautiful than when (and even after) they’ve performed their function – they nourished my children. Also, pretty amazing.

Yes, mothers are tired. I’m not sure if it lasts forever, but mothers of small children, are definitely tired. Tired mothers grow wrinkles, at least I do. Mostly around my eyes. They let me know that I’ve cared for my children, even at night. Whether I’m doing the right thing or not, I’m trying. And a parent who tries, is beautiful.

And then there is the lack of time for personal pursuits. I choose to use my little free time for projects dealing with my children, family, our home or writing. I could use some of that precious time for the gym, but for the time being, I don’t. My exercise is limited to carrying, chasing and playing with my children. And if that results in me being a little more squishy than I used to be, that’s fine by me. It’s a reminder that I have more to care about than just myself, which is a wonderful gift.

Our children leave marks on our bodies, life leaves marks on our bodies. It ‘s how we choose to see those marks that defines them, and in turn, helps defines us. If we look at ourselves and see a failure – failure to measure up to society’s standards for beauty or our own desire for a past beauty – that will affect us. And it will taint everything in our lives. If we look at ourselves and see a success – success of our bodies to produce life, success of ourselves to nurture it – that, too, will affect us. And it will taint everything in our lives.

So, choose to see yourself as beautiful no matter what shape your body is in. Embrace those changes rather than be embarrassed by them. Let them remind you of the greatness that you are capable of, the mundane and wondrous act of creating new life. It will send a transformative message to your partner, your children, your friends, yourself. Who knows, it might even change the world.