My body and me travelled through rough times, including ups and downs. When I was a child I suffered from backpain. I felt trapped in my body. It didn't let me do what I wanted to. Still it is a everyday battle. It was the base of my low selfesteem.

In my twenty's i got diagnosed with PCOS. I couldn't get pregnant without medical help. Although while we were on the waitinglist for IVF, I did get pregnant. One beautiful heartbeat and one embryo without. A few weeks later i was heartbroking when I heard that I had a miscarriage. My body didn't respond to it nor at the medication. I got a uterusinfection and needed surgecal treatment to clean my womb. At this time I couldn't think of loving my body, I didn't believe in it. My self-esteem was kicked in the farthest corner of the room.

The following IVF treatment did succeed. Disbelieve and fear were words that features the folowing nine months. I had a beautiful boy. The delivery wasn't healing my relationship with my body. I had an epidural and that wasn't as natural as i wanted to be. Breastfeeding my boy did heal a bit. Later on we started ivf again, 2 attempts, 2 pregnancy's, 2 miscarriages, 2 times hope and believe, 2 times my body let me down...

And then I got pregnant again even without treatment. Again nine months of fear and hope and one little bundle of joy. Our daughter was born in the hospital without any painkillers or what so ever. I breastfed her and my faith in my body returned. When she was about 19months I discovered I was pregnant again. Still breastfeeding and with our history we didn't see this one coming. I gave birth at home. The most magical thing I have ever been part of. I never felt so intouch with my body then at that moment. I didn't need any instructions, I just gave birth as my body intended. My instincts didn't let me down, I felt invincible. Breastfeeding wasn't an issue it was a fact. The normal respons of giving birth. So we did.

I had faith in my body and we wanted to enrich our live with a fourth child. Still breastfeeding but with a pretty predictable cyclus we were shocked the very next month when we discovered I was pregnant again. We planned a homebirth. In labour everthing went well. Untill I had the urge to push I had the most excrusiating pain I had ever had, I didn't recognise this from the other births. The baby's head didn't move an inch and his heartbeat wasn't ok, We had to go to the hospital.

In the hospital the nurse wasn't that empathic about the planned home-birth. There was a sort of unpleasent atmosphere in the room. My midwife did everything she could to let my focus on this beautiful moment of giving birth but the way I was treated by the hospitalnurse putted me down. I felt like I had lost my strenght and although our boy eventually is born on the natural way it didn't felt like I did it. I was depended of the hospital, my body couldn't deliver him, the nurse didn't believe I could deliver him, my body was examed without any attention to me, without any explanation,… I felt like the hospital had taken over my body. I was exhausted and tryed desperatly to understand what was happened. I can give birth, I had faith in my body, why did I felt like failing? I talked with my midwifes, talked with my husband,... but all I needed was time. The birth of my youngest one wasn't the prettiest, not even near magical but it was the birth off a precious child and that is for now just enough.

I breastfed four children and still two off them, my body is the home of eight children, four off them return on regular basis to cuddle and snuggle, four off them stay forever in my heart and for all that I think it's beautiful. -Anonymous

-Saartje Lommelen is an ABB Project Photographer based in Belgium. To learn more about her work or book a shoot, visit: https://www.facebook.com/VeloFoto