All photographs of Kiersten, mother of 4, by Jade Beall. More images below.
I asked Kiersten if she would model for me after I found our that she tandem breastfeeds her newborn and her 2 year old. I was struck by her calmness as a mother, her gorgeousness and her lovely tattoo circling one of her nipples which has fed 3 little humans into toddler-hood. I also asked her to write about how she feels about her body and that is when I learned that she became a mother at 17 which in turn cultivated even more awe in my heart for her awesomeness.
Kiersten: I remember when I was growing up, I loved that my mother was beautiful. And I remember being sad, angry, and confused when she made that disgusted face and called herself fat.
I became a mother with a surprise pregnancy at 17 years old. For my entire adult life I have had a mother's body. I used to compare myself to my thin, smooth skinned friends and hate what I saw in the mirror. But when you have a child and you hear your words repeated back to you, it gives you some perspective. It made me remember how terrible it felt to hear my mother talk badly about her beautiful body.
I loved our baby before I knew she was a little girl. I loved her before she had a name. I loved her intensely, fearfully, and without abandon. I ignored the whispered insults, the long stares, and the outright rudeness. I held onto my growing belly like a security blanket. I let them get to me only on my own, privately, putting on a brave face for the world. I had her, I had her Daddy, we had our families, and we could do this.
My husband and I have four children, two girls and two boys. I do not use the word "fat" around them, and I make it a point to call myself beautiful in front of them. Even when all I see are stretch marks and rolls and droopy skin, I look at those children and try to think about how I saw, and how I still see my mother. She is not perfect, nor has she ever been. She birthed and nursed three children and her body reflects that. But she was my home, and will always feel and look like home. It still hurts me when she calls herself fat, because I want so badly for her to see how beautiful she is in my eyes.
My body is a mother's body. I may not always like every lump and bump and mark I see. But I will remember that clarity of a child's perspective. This body was home to each of my four children, and has fed and nourished every one of them. And, at least for that, I cannot help but love it.
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