A Daughter’s Last Photoshoot Before Cancer’s Finality: Elizabeth Blue
In November 2011, a woman in my community, Lucia Maya, called me a few weeks before I was due to give birth to see if I would photograph her young daughter who was undergoing chemotherapy. I was so honored to shoot Elizabeth Blue yet struggled to summon my tired and heavy pregnant body to get to the studio to document such a vulnerable, exquisitely beautiful and painful moment in one family’s lives. (To read & imagine Elizabeth’s own voice, read her poem at the bottom of this post)
My own pregnancy was taking everything I had, and until I gave birth, I realized I had to take a hiatus from my work. What many people may not know is that each and every shoot I do with women requires an enormous amount of my physical and emotional reserves. Often, after I am done with a shoot, and joyously have listened and immersed myself in a women’s story, I have to sit alone, in quiet, to absorb, digest, reflect, even before beginning the editing process. I realized I might only have had that one chance to photograph Elizabeth, and that that opportunity might have passed me by.
But a month or so after I gave birth in February of 2012, I reached out to Lucia Maya to check how they were doing and to see if I could have a second chance? And sometimes in life, we are blessed to get such second chances! Lucia Maya didn’t hesitate to say yes and we made a date to make beauty on April 13th 2012. ”Elizabeth Blue had finished her chemo and was doing very well,” she informed me!
When we took these photos we were celebrating. She was free from cancer, life was luminous in her spirit, in her skin, in her breath. She was humble yet confidant when she stepped onto my white paper backdrop, an amazing feat considering what she had gone through. She made it effortless for me to photograph her. She made me cry; I had never seen such beauty through my lens. I told her it was the first time in my life that I felt like a hip New York City photographer photographing a high style Fashion Model. I felt proud to document this gorgeous moment. I admired her.
Only 5 months later, however, I learned of Elizabeth Blue’s departure on September 23rd 2012 at a much too young 22 years old. I cried while holding my 7 month old son in disbelief that her beauty in physical form was no more. Instantly, in that moment, I realized I could not imagine outliving my own son. Questions swirled in my heart wondering what Lucia Maya was experiencing, feeling, after watching, assisting, and caring for her daughter as she transitioned on. Can our minds even begin to comprehend or explore this possibility without actually having gone through it? The very inkling of an idea of Sequoia dying so young feels like a vice on my heart. How does one heal?
Ever since, Lucia Maya had not shared many of the photos we took on that blessed day in April. And then recently she changed course, and asked if I would share some of Elizabeth Blue’s photos and poetry on this new media platform my husband and I have created called A Beautiful Body Project? She explained that she felt Elizabeth Blue was asking her to share her photos, her story, her words, to inspire beauty in others. With new eyes, I revisited that gallery of photos and took my sweet time culling through them, trying to open my heart to be guided by what Elizabeth Blue might have want to offer all of you.
As this post in memory of this inspiring soul-who-is-no-longer-with-us has come to life, I have been reflecting on the power of photography in a new way: In the days following the shoot, these images captured her in remission, yet the reality was, her time, in that moment, was actually very limited. I realize now, every time I photograph a woman, it may be the first, last, and only time she steps in front of my lens and it has deepened further my commitment to you. Those very same images have stories that rewrote themselves in the days, weeks, and months since. Such is the life of photographs, I understand more clearly than ever now.
Although this is a story of loss, it’s actually much more about life! About BEAUTY! About feeling irreplaceable and self-confident in one’s own gorgeous skin, just as we are right now. It’s about sharing our vulnerability so that we may truly feel the gift of being alive and being of service to one another. This story is confirmation that beauty is everywhere, if we only look with our authentic eyes. These photos beg you to love yourself so that you may celebrate life in all it’s embodiments. When I look at these images, I see in her confident eyes a profound, unexplainable knowledge that life is more precious than most of us truly know. I find myself “drunk”, gazing at Elizabeth Blue’s soft hair on her perfectly round head because I cannot think of anything more beautiful. I find myself bathed in gratitude that I had the honor to be the record keeper of this particular, irreplaceably beautiful moment. -Jade
Elizabeth Blue is a gifted poet, beginning writing wisdom-filled poetry at only 9 years old. Here is a piece she wrote when she was 14 years old:
A Lifetime
I want,
To quote Rumi.
I want to say one thousand words of thanks.
I want
To throw
One million rose petals in the air.
I want
To kiss the sky.
I want God to know that I am grateful
I want to be humbled by the sheer knowledge of what is.
I want to blow into one million pieces, and dedicate myself to the world.
I want to say thank you,
And mean it.
I want to tell the world,
The universe,
That my Indian lover is
The sky
The moon
And the sea.
I want you to know that beauty is everlasting,
And that I am only a temporary placement of outer beauty.
I want you to know that the beauty inside me is everlasting.
And I want you to know that I did not create this.
And,
I created some.
I want you to know that eternity is forever, and then more.
I want you to know that ‘me’ is just a figure of speech.
I want you to know that I love you.
And that life,
Today,
Was one of those days worth living.
***
If this piece on my journey with Elizabeth Blue touched you, please consider clicking the share buttons on this page to spread this story to anyone else you know who may be affected by cancer, disease, loss, and beyond. This work is incredibly powerful for me and to the 1000′s it touches.
Also please consider leaving a respectful comment below and joining our newsletter in the box in the right column->
Thank you,
-Jade (Founder :: A Beautiful Body Project)
-
“Ashamed and Embarrassed” That Her Daughter Posed For This Project?
I had to email. I just got off the phone with my mom -
“I Asked My Daughter Am I Beautiful?” Kath’s Poem
I asked my 5 year old daughter Are you beautiful?“You are, Mama!”
About Author
I loved reading this and looking at the beautiful pictures of Elizabeth Blue, even though it hurt my heart knowing that she’s gone, at least in a physical sense. Thank you for sharing this.
The body, our bodies, my body, are the impressionistic manifestation of what life is..spirit taking form, expressing its experience of life in matter…we live an artistic life whether we are aware of it or not. WE are art, manifested, created to be art, expressing. I couldn’t help but seeing the truth of who Elizabeth Blue was. Reading her words..she became those words. She manifested the quality of those words, through her illness. Her illness was art, and as devastating as that may seem, in the world of spirit, death holds no meaning other than using this life to express what spirit feels.
Though I do not mean to imply, in anyway, that I have no feeling about her passing, I do. Very much. Looking at her photos, she is so beautiful and though the illness took her to her spirit plane..she was incredibly beautiful and pure and her words were her postscript.
God Bless.
absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing your experience and passing on the light and peace.
Dear Jade,
You have this beautiful ability to make anyone’s life worthy. Did you know that? It is your work that allows us to get to know Miss Blue’s story. Some day I wish to have the confidence in myself to be part of your work. For now, I read your blogs and enjoy your art and aspire to be as profound as the women you photograph. You may only be the vessel for your art to flow through, but without your inspiration to build the natural woman up in the very state she exists in… well, the world would be a poorer place. Bravo.
Sincerely,
Victoria
WOW! Thank you for these words Victoria! And yes, it’s is so true, anyone’s life is so darn worthy!!! xoxoxoxox
Thank you so much for sharing this. Cancer is so ugly (it took my mom from me), but these pictures are beyond beautiful. I wish I could have known Elizabeth Blue because she was obviously a unique, creative, incredible human being. Much Love :o)
wow, in awe of her strength and beauty and thanks to her beautiful mother for sharing her and her vulnerability. xo
Jade, I was already crying while reading and seeing the photos - Elizabeth reminds me of my own spirit - young and vibrant, unashamed of her beauty and body, playful. Then I read her poem, and that really pushed me over the edge.
I can’t thank you enough for sharing this - for Elizabeth’s memory and for her mother - and also because I have just been injected with the strongest determination to keep living my life like…well, like it matters. To keep seeking my greatest joys and to serve others and to celebrate my body and beauty, both external and internal - because I am only a temporary placement of outer beauty, the beauty inside me is everlasting.
Namaste and thank you, Jade, you are such a blessing.
thank you, beautiful Erin… truly.
What a beautiful, courageous young woman Elizabeth Blue was…she is stunning in every one of those pictures! But the one that grabs at my heart is the look on her mother’s face, embracing her beautiful daughter. Every mother thinks of that vice on the heart that you wrote of, thinking of losing our children. Lucia Maya, my love goes out to you, and I am happy that you had those 22 years with your amazing daughter.
As I read this on my little girl’s 8th birthday I cannot help but cry. Thank you for capturing the beauty that was Elizabeth Blue. Love to Lucia Maya.
Jade, your Body Beautiful Project is so exciting, empowering and just plain beautiful. Thank you so much for making such a difference for so many.
In the midst of my own suffering, I saw this. Lucia is part of a community I belong to though don’t know her. Elizabeth Blue, is a braver Soul as any, inspiring light of truth upon the darkenss that comes over me. I now feel relief, she gave gifts so great, one can truely never know the magnitude. Thank you for this work and sharing. Much love to you. Navya
Bad ass Elizabeth Blue is a rock star. Always has been. Always will be.
Profound beauty and wisdom here, mahalo to you jade and to Lucia and Elizabeth Blue for this path to the heart shared so generously. Blessings of peace, grace & appreciation!
I am so grateful to you, Jade, for these photos, and the hundreds more taken that magical day! You capture Elizabeth’s beauty and spirit in such a way that all who meet her here can feel that depth of wisdom and grace that moved through her. I am so grateful to you for sharing Elizabeth here, and that many more will see her and read her poetry.
Your visionary work is inspiring and is truly changing this world. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
love,
Lucia
I was touched by this beautiful story, beautiful pictures, beautiful poem of an incredibly beautiful woman.
Absolutely beautiful. Inspiring!
Oh… Lucia… My heart breaks for you. Elizabeth was not only beautiful, but so wise and full of grace beyond her years. You are blessed. Jade… your work, I have been watching from afar and I can feel your spirit and compassion in all of it. How fantastically amazing it is to have found this calling. You are blessed and you draw us all in to you… we want to be a part of this blessing. I am almost ready to share my story, humble as it is, and I would be so honored to be the smallest part of something so beautiful. I cry for you that you are changing the world…
Thank you, Jade, for your wisdom, wonderings, wanderings, and ever-expanding perspectives on your work and your beautiful subjects.
Your love and respect for them and their images offers much support and guidance for any who cross your orbit.
Your musings open us to hidden places in our beings.
Blessings always,
Vonnie
Dearest Jade, You questioned if this beautiful yet tragic story would inspire someone somehow, and among all these other gorgeous ladies, I for one have to say that Miss Elizabeth Blue has absolutely inspired ME on such a personal ground. I am fortunate to not have any illnesses and to have been the carrier, life bringer of two amazing boys. But my entire life my self worth was beaten into non-existence, developing into depression, social and eating disorders. Only recently, more so since I have become a Mother, have I been willing to allow myself to see the beauty that is me. Elizabeth has shined such mortality into my view that reality hit me so hard I was brought to tears. How could I take my own self for granted?! How can I be alive and well and still self-loathe in any way? I looked at myself in the mirror and I smiled. I smiled and danced, and spun in circles and was thankful for my own life and saw such true beauty in me and I loudly proclaimed, “THANK YOU, ELIZABETH BLUE!! For opening my eyes!!” And thank YOU, Jade, for everything that you do for all of us girls/women who may struggle or not, to help us embrace ourselves. I feel blessed and I send so much love to Elizabeth and her family and to you and your family, and to everyone else and their families!!!! <3
Jade,
This was a very moving article. What a beautiful soul E.B. was! One can only hope that she fulfilled her purpose in this short time she spent here. She seemed mature way beyond her years… almost prescient in her poem…
I am work to help women believe in their inner beauty and focus living their important purpose instead of hating their un-perfect body.
Thanks for sharing that amazing story…
http://www.MakeItSoMindset.com/blog
What an intense story. I love the look in her eyes and the jewel on her heart. I wish every woman would be honored in this way after her death. Thank you for sharing.
This reminds me of my only older sister, who passed away late last year. It reminds me that I want so much more documentation; more physical proof of my sister’s existence on this earth, with me. There is no way for me to get the loss of time back, now that she is gone. But, that is what I consider a photograph to be. It is concrete evidence that “I was here” and “I was with this person then.” Oh, how I just want to hold her again. She gave so much love… Thank you for sharing this, Jade.
I came over here from Lucia Mayas blog Luminous Blue. I have been reading and following her for some time. These photos show most beautifully the persona that I have read about. I now have almost a 3D vision of Elizabeth. Well done and what a tragedy it would have been if you had not been given this second chance.
I am sure Lucia Maya is eternally grateful.
My husband of almost 5 years documents my every move. He has taken so many pictures of me large, small, laughing, crying. I am fighting incurable cancer and for the first time in my life seeing my own beauty. I expose the scars of four horrendously long surgeries that have removed half of my vital organs. I love my long line that divides me in half. What you have done with Elizabeth is what I wish all of us would be able to do. Cancer is a scary ugly word that elicits fear, embarrassment, withdrawal from most people. Cancer has been so hard, painful, but such a blessing as well. Life is a celebration of every minute of every day. That comes through looking at Elizabeth. Thank you Jade for what you have done.
Kelly
PS…my oldest daughters name is Jade who is an artist also, but becoming a nurse to care for people like me.
Thank you very much for sharing. The beauty inside is captured by your camera. A really amazing person I see in those photographs. What a blessing.
This is so beautiful. I know the look in Elizabeth’s eyes very well, it’s the look of peace, strength and grace. I lost my sister to ovarian cancer when she was 32, I have seen the same look in my sister’s eyes. It’s as if she knows what lies ahead and, while standing strong for her loved ones, she is open and at peace with the knowledge that she will soon be part of that boundless love that is God / Goddess / Universe / Divine Light. These images are so powerful and touching, thank you for sharing with the world.
Sending hugs to you Jade and Lucia.
I found Elizabeth and Lucia through my blog, which I started because Philip, my son, died. I, too, fell in love with Elizabeth, and her death still shakes me up. And as Lucia and I talked about yesterday, had neither of them died, we wouldn’t have gotten to know each other, I wouldn’t have come to experience Elizabeth. These pictures are stunning, and I thank you for the gift of these photos. They are a treasure.
Sad story but very inspiring. Elizabeth’s photos are amazing and her poetry is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Jade for sharing the cameras viewfinder through the light and vision of your mind. Thank you for the delicate displays of powerful women through the lens and prism of all that is life’s journey to the mystery of death and beyond. These women display an awesome invulnerability and power in choosing to be vulnerable. They exude an inner and outer beauty that is ineffable and transcendent. This grace and grit is capable of visual capture as art and your gift of creativity, but not amenable to description in words. This photography is your ministry. May you be blessed with years of service in dedicated wonder and love. May we all grow (men and women) to be so strong as to embrace and cherish our inner feminine divine and to live our lives more fully opening up to one another, about our triumphs and our trials.
Wow, David. You are a gifted writer… consider guest blogging for this platform? We need Divine Male Voice like your on…
Incredibly powerful - once again. Thank you for bringing stories that shed light on experiences some of us may never know - for good or bad. Her beauty is obvious - but even more impressive is her strength and bravery during such a challenging time to be photographed and to have her story told, THAT’S where the TRUE beauty is. Thank you, Jade.
love you Alaina. So much! And that adorable little man in your arm? LOVE him a whole lot too.
Whoa! When I saw the post, I did not expect that I would recognize Elizabeth. But once that face, those deeply insightful eyes were met, how could anyone forget. I didn’t know her, but I’d seen her around and was always struck by her gracefulness. Perhaps it was a yoga class at Tucson Yoga; her mom might know if she ever took classes there, but I do know our paths crossed.
My sister died from cancer when I was sixteen, and I saw what that did to my mom. I’ve two daughters, and cannot imagine – don’t ever wish to imagine – my outliving either of them. And yet, though we say it is “not natural” for a parent to outlive a child, it is sadly all too part of nature. The most touching story in the buddhist library is of Kisagotami the mother whose baby boy had died, and her desperate search for some way to bring him back.
But as the buddha compassionately taught Kisagotami, “we are of the nature to die; there is no escaping death.” This confrontation with our mortality can awaken us to true intimacy with life just as it is; as Sappho put it: “sweet-bitter.” What I can also say is that through Elizabeth’s poetry, the blog she and her mom created, and now through your stunningly nakedly honest photography, Jade Twilite Beall, though I do not believe in a “soul,” I know Elizabeth – what made her who and what she was/is – continues in each of us who have been touched, however tangentially, by her life and her story. And for that I am grateful.
The remembrance of death keeps us from taking our loved ones for granted. Each morning, I embrace my daughter and wife, knowing there is no guarantee we will see each other again. This is not morbidity; this is reality. And keeping in touch with reality, we stay in touch with each other, with gratitude and appreciation for the precious time we DO have.
Issa, one of the four most revered haiku masters in Japan, wrote the following after his infant daughter died two years after his toddler son had died. It captures the wisdom that understands the truth of this “world of dew,” so ephemeral, like a dream (as the Diamond Sutra puts it) while not denying the earthly pain of loss:
The world of dew –
A world of dew it is indeed,
And yet, and yet…
A third child died several years later, and then his wife. Issa wrote:
Outliving them all,
Ah, the cold!
I’m writing this through tears, which taste sweet because of the joyous sadness this story brought me to. Thank you for the rising tide.
What a multidimensional gift , these pictures of the poet. She is transfigured from the artist into the art, from the audible into the visual.Her words and her gaze work together to resonate beyond that death. They fit in the lense of each watcher, they echo in the curve of each ear. thank you so much for giving us a chance to glimpse this woman. It matters.