"Babies Ruin Bodies" An Ode to my Postpartum Body


(All photographs and story by  N'tima Preusser)

Before I became pregnant, someone told me, "don't have a baby, babies ruin your body."

It has been over a year since Anabel began her life. This time last year she was a microscopic speck in my stomach, and we were announcing our pregnancy. Between then and now, I have gained and lost fifty pounds. Four months after her birth, and my body still carries proof of her existence. 2.jpg

I have dark pools under my eyes. A valley where my belly button once was. Hips with a new amplitude that my teenage self wouldn't recognize. I have lines mapped across the mountains of stretched skin left over on my midsection. Lightening bolts on my sides proving I once was too small to contain all of the love that filled me. Lines indicating that my daughter once lived inside of me. 

Do you realize the significance in that? Every limb, finger, toe...her heart, even, developed near the very place my own heart beats inside of my chest. Those mountains of skin are all I have left to prove that we were once one and not two. 

How can I be ashamed of that? 


I have so much to say about seeing my grandfather's eyes embedded into the sockets, and under the brows and lashes of her father's. I see the seventeen year old boy I fell in love with, and my grandpa as a child all at once every time she looks up at me. She even wears my ears and my chin. The two very things I cursed having the most growing up. Not much makes me feel more beautiful than seeing tiny renditions of those same features on Anabel, and realizing just how special they are. 

My body grew that. 
Not everybody has that privilege. 

Sure my belly is a bit softer nowadays, but the way it moves when I jump up and down sends my girl into fits of giggles. And yeah, my hips are hardly as narrow as they used to be, but they sure know the perfect figure-8 motion to sway her to sleep. My twenty-one year old hair is even beginning to gray, but not much soothes her more than my hair between her tiny fingers.

I am not something flawless in the eyes of society, or even close to what I once was physically, but my perfect girl sees me for who I am. To her, I hang the moon. She knows my heart. She knew it long before we met.

And she loves me for it.

I cannot tell you how much worth and validation I feel because of that truth. 

My body is only a vessel for my spirit. An incredible vessel. It is strong, well, abled, and undefeated. 

My body is full of life. 
My body is powerful. 
My body made me a mother. 

If anything, I was ruined by the world before I knew her & she made me whole again.


Beautiful image of  N'tima Preusser pregnant:



**Jade here, and I want to profusely thank  N'tima Preusser for her beautiful writing and imagery and especially this post that she allowed A Beautiful Body Project to share with us.  This life is so darn precious.  Our children are so perfect.  May we be the role models of love for our prefect babies through leading by example: loving ourselves and others.  May we wholeheartedly experience the beauty that we are inside and out because how can we not be beautiful on the outside if we are beautiful on the inside?  It's a package deal, this precious life, and we must teach our children this important #selflove message  for a more peaceful and thriving planet!**


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Showing 6 reactions

commented 2014-05-21 18:48:30 -0700 · Flag
I had a baby 22 years ago, and I was the biggest I’ve ever been -prettiest also, because of that precious life inside! —wanted my body to expand so that he could expand! —this story was utterly amazing, and reminds me how happy I was being pregnant! -happiest I’ve ever been in my life! —thank you so much!! —I remain bonded to this wonderful 22-year-old man —that my body grew! —and I enjoy whenever I find anything in him that is ask in me-especially imperfections that I’ve come to appreciate as unique! —thank goodness, you didn’t have to wait to become 60 (as I did) to make these astonishing discoveries, lifelong discoveries…
commented 2014-05-14 06:24:29 -0700 · Flag
I have read many articles about post baby bodies, but this is THE article that has changed me. It is so beautifully written, the words, the flow…wise beyond her years. I have 2 beautiful boys, age 6 & 4, and my stomach looks like a deflated balloon. I will now, each time I look at it, see it as the amazing balloon that once grew the 2 loves of my life. The very last sentence she wrote made me cry. Thank you for changing me with your words. Incredibly powerful.
commented 2014-05-10 18:39:02 -0700 · Flag
Whoever wrote this I wish I could tell her this…. I had a baby six months ago a beautiful baby girl. The first three months I had postpartum depression extremely bad. The last quote at the end of the article got me out of it completely and I now have it tatted on my side. It keeps me strong and I owe so much to the lady who wrote this article. Thank you so much you mean the world to me.
commented 2014-01-14 16:23:10 -0700 · Flag
This is such an amazing read. This came up in my newsfeed on facebook right when I needed to read it! Thank you for writing this!
commented 2014-01-07 21:24:39 -0700 · Flag
She is making the point that something as wonderful as mothering a child cannot be marred by the changes her body has made, changes that should not be seen as negative since they are proof of the unbreakable bond she shares with her child.
commented 2014-01-07 04:16:36 -0700 · Flag
. . . . this article has me confused,Is she mad or glad or plain confused on how to feel? Hmmm. I think a little of all of the above.What I derived from this is she really doesn’t know what to do with all these feelings. Join the rest of the planet. we all share these at one time or another. It’s like the accepted passage of growing.
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